Lately, with the age of texting, Facebook, Whatsapp, and everything else, many people claim to not be "phone people" anymore. They claim they don't really like talking on the phone. This includes women too, not just men.
So I started to re-consider this topic. Are people really not phone people or is there just no one that they find interesting enough to want to call? Or has no one ever asked them to because they're scared, so they just don't?
I'll admit it; The older you get, the more your priorities have changed, the more jobs become more demanding, etc. So it is no surprise that finding the time to fit in the gym, your crossfit class, happy hour drinks with ladies/fellas, dates, the impending Zombie apocalypse, and calling someone may seem tough. And you know what? It is. But then you have to take a step-back and ask what is really important to you.
I'll give you an example. Recently, I was seeing a guy for a few weeks whom I saw about once a week, and have really great times and conversation with. I really liked him. The One problem? You guessed it! He never really calls me. (He does text intermittently I should add in hie defense, but encouraging a man to text me more is not something I'm into -_-) So now I'm baffled. I'm thinking, we enjoy each other's company, is it just me?
I have vowed however to no longer sit around trying to figure out why someone isn't doing something. Ain't nobody got time for all that. :)
Either I am going to accept it, or just straight-up ask about it. To me, part of getting to know someone is that natural human connection. Which comes with being able to have conversations, enjoy activities together, making sure your values match etc.. I don't know about you, but If I don't hear from you/talk to you too often, I will start to assume that you're just not interested (and there's the added bonus that I will also just forget about you lol. ). So, old me would've just assumed he wasn't interested and kept it moving.
But the new me, who is trying to be more understanding that people communicate in different ways, realized, that it wasn't like he didn't ask me out on actual dates. So, how the heck is he supposed to know that I'm not okay with this lack of communication if I don't tell him?
Granted, he may not care, but like I said, better to just be upfront and find out either way.
So that's exactly what I did. And it was scary risking that. Sometimes we feel like if we demand things too early on, it will scare someone off.
Once I explained to him that conversations and ongoing communication was something I valued, of importance to me, and how it made me feel, it was met with a thoughtful response.
Does that mean it will change? No, it doesn't. It just means that now someone else knows your standards and values.
However, when it comes to keeping in touch with someone, I feel like when people are into you, some things just shouldn't need to be said. But that doesn't mean that if you're not getting what you need, you shouldn't speak up. But if you do speak up, and the minimum effort possible is being put in then, I would keep it moving and find the person who wakes up wanting to hear from you :)
The point is, know whats important to you. For me, frequent communication and conversation is too important for me to give up. Know what's "non-negotiable" for you, and make sure the other person knows as well. (through conversation of course HA). And not 3 months, 6 months, or 3 years from now, because then it will be too late. You had them thinking this whole time, everything was ok, and it wasn't.
Because anyone who is interested and cares about moving forward, is going to try and find a solution if they know something is important to you. Every.Time.
Don't forget to follow Into.It's Facebook page!
So I started to re-consider this topic. Are people really not phone people or is there just no one that they find interesting enough to want to call? Or has no one ever asked them to because they're scared, so they just don't?
I'll admit it; The older you get, the more your priorities have changed, the more jobs become more demanding, etc. So it is no surprise that finding the time to fit in the gym, your crossfit class, happy hour drinks with ladies/fellas, dates, the impending Zombie apocalypse, and calling someone may seem tough. And you know what? It is. But then you have to take a step-back and ask what is really important to you.
I'll give you an example. Recently, I was seeing a guy for a few weeks whom I saw about once a week, and have really great times and conversation with. I really liked him. The One problem? You guessed it! He never really calls me. (He does text intermittently I should add in hie defense, but encouraging a man to text me more is not something I'm into -_-) So now I'm baffled. I'm thinking, we enjoy each other's company, is it just me?
I have vowed however to no longer sit around trying to figure out why someone isn't doing something. Ain't nobody got time for all that. :)Either I am going to accept it, or just straight-up ask about it. To me, part of getting to know someone is that natural human connection. Which comes with being able to have conversations, enjoy activities together, making sure your values match etc.. I don't know about you, but If I don't hear from you/talk to you too often, I will start to assume that you're just not interested (and there's the added bonus that I will also just forget about you lol. ). So, old me would've just assumed he wasn't interested and kept it moving.
But the new me, who is trying to be more understanding that people communicate in different ways, realized, that it wasn't like he didn't ask me out on actual dates. So, how the heck is he supposed to know that I'm not okay with this lack of communication if I don't tell him?
Granted, he may not care, but like I said, better to just be upfront and find out either way.
So that's exactly what I did. And it was scary risking that. Sometimes we feel like if we demand things too early on, it will scare someone off.
Once I explained to him that conversations and ongoing communication was something I valued, of importance to me, and how it made me feel, it was met with a thoughtful response.
Does that mean it will change? No, it doesn't. It just means that now someone else knows your standards and values.
However, when it comes to keeping in touch with someone, I feel like when people are into you, some things just shouldn't need to be said. But that doesn't mean that if you're not getting what you need, you shouldn't speak up. But if you do speak up, and the minimum effort possible is being put in then, I would keep it moving and find the person who wakes up wanting to hear from you :)
The point is, know whats important to you. For me, frequent communication and conversation is too important for me to give up. Know what's "non-negotiable" for you, and make sure the other person knows as well. (through conversation of course HA). And not 3 months, 6 months, or 3 years from now, because then it will be too late. You had them thinking this whole time, everything was ok, and it wasn't.
Because anyone who is interested and cares about moving forward, is going to try and find a solution if they know something is important to you. Every.Time.
Don't forget to follow Into.It's Facebook page!
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