I've had a few of them within my budding career. I told myself to not be afraid to speak up and to trust that my ideas are good and viable and worth listening to! But more importantly to not be afraid to fail. Failing is fuel for success.
Finessing the art of speaking up, and making sure you are seen as a respected colleague takes some time and continues well into your established career.
I've recently had A-HA moment of trusting myself, where I trusted myself 100%, so much so that I didn't have to wait to be proven right. I knew I was right. And that moment felt oh so good.
How many moments have you had where you trusted yourself 90% or higher?
Trusting yourself just doesn't have to do with your career, it also goes for dating, clothing, diets, the friends you keep (or don't), and family. Having a rather hilarious history of dating situations, I thought I would share some situations where you should always trust yourself when it comes to men, and when it actually IS them, and not you.
1. He argues with you about arguing. He never talks about any real, pliable, or intimate issues. I know you've experienced this. Where you are arguing with someone, but instead of discussing the issue, they argue with you about the way your head cocks when you're upset, the fact you're raising your voice, or that your shirt is red. Example you say? Sure.
Me: Why didn't you call if you were going to be 3 HOURS LATE?
Him: Why are you speaking so fast, and talking so loud? I'm standing right here.
Me: Okay, because I'm a little upset. What were you doing? Why are you so late?
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| How often do you feel like this, when talking to a guy you're dating? |
This is a simple example to this, but this form of lack of communication can create BIG problems if it continues. If you find yourself continuously getting into arguments that go around and around like this with no resolutions, and you're starting to feel crazy...move on. You're not crazy. And you're hair is probably starting to fall out. The man you are with doesn't care to go any deeper, and will do this at the expense of your sanity. Why let him?
2. He lives with an ex, any women he's ever slept with, or refers to as "sister" Run.
Nothing good will come of this. And I know, I know, they like to pull the whole "I didn't know you were so judgmental, presuming, and so insecure that you can't handle the fact I live with a woman."
or "This is me, take it or leave it" Right?? They like to use that one a lot don't they?
Well guess what, Yes. I am so judgmental, and I don't mind.
Let's look at this objectively. If a guy was really serious about dating, self-aware, and knew what he wanted, why would he even want to ruin his game with by living with a woman? Let along one, he's slept with before. He wouldn't. I would guess he would rather live with his parents then to lose the chance of getting some sex over a permanent living situation. The guy who IS living with someone they've dated/slept with? It's all ego. "Hi, I live with someone I've dated, and can probably sleep with whenever I want, and I get to date you, and make you feel like the bad person for thinking my situation is weird, and maybe get into your pants too." They want to make you believe that is their right. But you know what? My right is to be able to date a man with common sense.
Want a man's view on this? Check out AskMen.com's article on If you Can Ever Be Friends with An Ex (Hint: their answer is NO.)
3.The Line Between Being Too Generous/Giving/etc Straddles Ingenuity Do A Gut Check.
This is an interesting topic. Especially since my goal here is to uplift you, and let you know just how much you deserve, but also when to know things are your fault :). But I point this out to say, that you should ALWAYS be doing a gut check.
Instead of trying to explain this piece, let me share with you briefly one of my stories:
Example #1: I used to date a guy, who by any other name, couldn't be a bigger gentleman. Always opening my door, always taking me out without trying to be slick about who is paying, always willing to bend over backwards for me. I remember in the stage of us actually just being friends, and he knew I was moving, he sent me a $100 AMEX giftcard. Mind you, we didn't even date until months after that.
The problem? It didn't feel genuine. There was a point during our dating in the beginning where I liteterally said this sentence to myself "Ramona, you're just not used to men treating you this well, and you need to get over it".
Why do I always have to give myself excuses as if I'm not smart??
In retrospect his ever willingness to bring me apt shopping, buy me things, and book SECRET birthday trips to India and go so far as to request time off for me with my boss (thank god I found out about it), was never counter-balanced with equally stimulating, and OPEN conversation. So it brings the question, if you're not really open, how could you be giving so much of yourself financially or other wise to someone? Something isn't meshing. Especially not someone you've been dating for 3 months.
What broke the dog's back was he ended up coming to my actual job for valentine's day, with flowers, a BIG ASS balloon, wine, cheese, etc. He didn't wait at the receptionists desk like a normal person, and just walks in and finds my desk. Now I know this is like a dream for some of you, not for me. I am a minority who works in the real world. If you want to send me flowers, send that shit through FTD or flowers.com. Nobody really does this anymore. Call my a cynic, but I also don't want you doing this. And I certainly don't want anyone at work to know more about my business then I care for them to know.
After work as we drove to dinner, he kept asking me about what happened at work? what did ppl say? Did the women go AWW?? He was so engrossed in how everyone else saw him, and not if he had made me happy. And it finally hit me. He wasn't doing all these great things because he just felt so inspired to do them because of who I AM. He did them to come off as the kind of man he wants ppl to see him as. Granted, I was already aware of his emotional issues regarding something traumatic happening in his family, which lead him into a feeling of not being "good enough". So instead, he made sure every and anyone saw him as the perfect man. He had no self-awareness, and wasn't ready for anything with anyone.
Moral of the Post? TRUST YOURSELF. If you have to talk yourself down off a ledge often, or you find yourself second guessing things a lot, re-consider what it is you're actually feeling and seeing.
Trust yourself enough to know, that YOU know whats good for you.
Comments? Let me know!
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